this is my honesty.
and honestly, i haven't a clue where this is headed, or what i will end up saying. but i'm just saying it. .. to the wide world of empty internet. here goes:
the world frustrates me. it's so inconsistent, which is probably a terribly hypocritical thing for me to say, but it's true. things in life wouldnt bother me nearly as much if they were consistent. especially words with actions, but even consistent in words and consistent within actions. i generally have the stance that i dont care if someone is lying to me, as long as i dont find out. it's not the lying that hurts, its the the discovering that you've been lied to. the problem with this stance is that people arent nearly consistent enough to pull it off correctly. the truth comes out, the actions contradict the words, whatever it may be. that's what hurts.
the obvious solution? loosen up. it's really not such a big deal. chill out. the world is not all about me, or what i want or even how i feel. it's just not. which is beyond just as well. but further than that, i think i need to discover the inconsistencies in my own life and behavior. let's face it, they're there. do i really want to look for them? no, not at all, but i think it would help make me a better person as well as see more of the good in others, rather than getting hung up on little inconsistencies. what good does me getting hurt and bitter do me? and even more importantly, what good does it do anyone else? nothing. get rid of it.
someone has suggested learning to better love when i dont feel loved. it's sad that sometimes my love is as conditional as it is. can that even really be called love? i really don't know, i cant even pretend to begin to understand it at all.
(dismantle me down)
i need to get rid of all these hang ups and barriers
(repair)
and start all anew
